i think a lot of people (maybe the majority of people?) are in abusive relationships with themselves. i mean, think about it…
if someone was talking to you and constantly telling you “no, you can’t do that!” or “you’ll never be successful!” or “you’re not good looking enough!” or “you suck at that!” or “you’re not worth it!” or “nobody likes you!” or “you’ll always be alone!” etc etc etc, you would kick them out of your life so fucking fast!
but what if that person who was telling you this stuff was you? in your head, in your mind’s chatter, your thoughts. how many of us have spoken to ourselves this way at some point in our lives? and if we’ve suffered from any chronic depression or anxiety, we’ve said those things constantly for long expanses of time.
how fucked up is it that we allow ourselves to be treated so poorly by our own thoughts? we wouldn’t let anyone else treat us that way (one would hope.) so why treat ourselves like we are in an abusive relationship? or some sort of strange twist on stockholme syndrome?
why think these thoughts? why not, think the opposite? and that’s what i’ve had to train myself to do over the last few years. and i did with good reason too: i simply didn’t want to go through that kind of suffering depressive bullshit anymore. and so, slowly, over time, i changed my thoughts. i turned every negative thought into it’s exact opposite, whether i believed it to be true or not. over time, it trained me to become aware of my thoughts. and i got better at it over time.
as a preteen/teen, i thought dark negative thoughts, a lot. i didn’t realize what i was doing at the time and those negative thoughts formed into habits without me even realizing it. and before i even got to adulthood, i was already saddled with the burden of a mental illness.
those habits created specific neural pathways in my brain which led to the infamous “chemical imbalance” that everybody talks about when they mention depression/bi-polar disorder. and yes, chemical imbalances they are. creating a chemical imbalance through the forming of our neural networks is pretty easy, especially when you have no idea that you’re doing it. but the brain is incredibly malleable, the mind is stretchable, changeable, mouldable, fluid. neuroplasticity, it can be a friend or it can be a foe.
and if you can create a mental illness without realizing it, you can use the same habits, just altered, reversed, and slowly walk yourself out of the darkness. you can change your neural pathways. and then your brain chemistry isn’t so “imbalanced” anymore.
(although to be honest, i don’t really like the idea of “chemical imbalance” as it comes with the connotation that one is chemically abnormal, which isn’t true, you are never actually broken and no matter what your state of consciousness may be at any given time, it is not wrong, it is not inherently “bad.” unhealthy maybe, dangerous to your wellbeing and the wellbeing of others maybe, but not wrong. shit, not even all that “different” really.)
i highly recommend psychedelics to aid in your transformation. and changing the relationship you keep with yourself. how you talk to yourself inside your head alters how you feel and how you act. and when the relationship stays that way for too long, well, it’s toxic!
and i’m really not sure that one can “break up” with themselves. i could be wrong about that though. but you might as well build a healthy relationship with yourself. it’s not much different than building a healthy relationship with any other person except that this person, although constantly changing, isn’t leaving, at least not without some sort of ego death, and that’s something beyond the mind and it’s thoughts.
is it possible that when we “point fingers” at another, we are just vainly attempting to fight back against the myriad of invisible fingers that we believe are being pointed at us?
i’ve always found beauty standards to be incredibly strange. mainly for two reasons. firstly, i’ve never considered those who fit into our perceived “standards of beauty” as being all that appealing. i’ve always thought: well, they obviously never asked me what was good looking and physically/sexually appealing. lol. i was never a part of that deciding process. i never got a memo or an email about it. i was never asked to be a part of any peer-review studies in the matter. i was obviously never consulted lol.
as the people i consider most appealing are often actually kinda surprised that i find them so appealing. i guess after years of being bombarded with stimuli telling them otherwise, they have a hard time seeing themselves through that kind of lens. i have had the same problem with myself, so i know exactly what it’s like. but i’ve always liked the look of those who just look natural and unique as themselves. the cookie cutter doesn’t do anything for me. and i’ll tell ya, i look at people all the time and think, wow, that person has no idea how incredibly hot they are. at least to my eyes. and i cannot possibly be the only one who sees them that way either…
which brings me to the second reason why the beauty standards are so strange. they’re arbitrary. and i’ve said this before a bunch of times and i’ve always thought it was kinda obvious: there are over 7 billion human beings on this planet. every single one of these human beings looks through a totally unique pair of eyes attached to a totally unique brain. over 7 billion different ideas of beauty. over 7 billion different sexual preferences. how can any human being not be considered attractive to another? just the sheer volume of human beings should be enough to see this. there has got to be at least a million people, if not more, who would be attracted to you just the way you are. out of over 7 billion people, how can there not be at least a million?
i know, i know. if you look at yourself through eyes of self-disgust or assume that the beauty standards represent anything other than a lowest-common-denominator average for the most evil of marketing intentions, nothing i say here will change the way you feel about yourself. i often wish i could though. but only you can do that.
i think most often we look down on the way we look out of years of being told nasty things by people who look at themselves the same way in the mirror. it seems crazy that we take so seriously the opinions of others. especially since those opinions come from the same black hole of bad experiences and hurt feelings.
so then how do we change the way we feel about ourselves? especially since we know that what we look like doesn’t have to abide to any standard at all. i guess we probably have to feel good about who we are on the inside first. and that’s the biggest challenge. and when we realize how badly we’re treated by our very own thoughts, well, we can stop allowing ourselves to treat ourselves that way. and that’s a great first step towards unconditionally loving oneself. and then being able to love all others. and then not feeling insecure and in turn, unattractive. how you feel inside permeates through your skin and out into the world.
so in short, we know why the beauty standards exist, we know what they mean, we know their true validity, we know how and why we feel the way we do about ourselves (or we at least know how to find all that out for ourselves.) and if we’ve realized how and why we feel the way we do about ourselves then it’s just a hop skip jump away from changing it, isn’t it? (i know, the task is simpler written than executed. lol.) and if we know all that, then, what are we doing? lol. let’s spread the word, let’s get people realizing. you are beautiful to someone. even if you’re not attractive to my eyes, i can tell you right now that you are attractive to at least a hundred thousand times the amount of people i can count with my hands. lol. and even if it were less than that (which i doubt) it’s still nothing to feel bad about.
we don’t need to fight society’s beauty standards as those arbitrary standards will fall away the moment we are all comfortable and secure and happy with who we are, inside and out. trust me.
…programmed social norms keep us in chains while an infinitely miraculous and wild universe swirls around us, begging us to take up a step into it’s incredible depth of potential experiences. but we just keep walking, keeping a quiet distance, as programmed social norms keep clothing attached to our bodies and feelings taped to our guts, words dreamed up but unspoken through mouths kept closed. we turn to information and tasks and entertainment to replace the yearning for truth and feels we seek, truth and feels we can only find through the unfettered unmoderated experience where convention and etiquette are thrown to the void and we can enter it unescorted by how we’ve been taught to believe, act, feel, breathe…
save the diamonds
lit through empty space
save the patterns
for another day
awake to aether
a flash of violent hollow-down
smashing beasts on frail points of massive sound
save the islands
poking through your face
save the future
for another day
awake to other
on metal wings that follow down
waving through fevers to the soul spots all around
fading off into an astral ward
dripping cloudy in a reddened world
lazy feedback encompassed void
have i only been making noise?
can we wait for you to turn around?
we might just be lucid enough to return to the ground